Another List of Things Not to Say to A Military Spouse


We have all see posts about things not to say to a military spouse. I just couldn’t help myself; I had to add my 2 cents on things not to say to a military spouse. So, here we go.

1) “Wow, he’s been gone 2 months already? It’s went by so fast” Um, NO! You have no idea how long the months seem when your loved one is deployed and you are the one responsible for every single household chore, taking care of the children, paying the bills, getting the car fixed, mowing the lawn, the list goes on and on…. all while worrying for his safety.

2) “Are you afraid he is going to die?” The answer is yes. My heart skips a beat every time there is an unexpected knock at the door that it just might be someone telling me that something awful happened. Every time I turn the corner to go down my street, I am worried that I will see a government vehicle parked in front of the house waiting to give me bad news. Every time I get a call from a blocked number it pops into my head that this might be THE call. But, with all of that being said, you bringing it up is not what I need. I have every situation played out in my head and I know it could happen but I don’t need you to remind me.

3)”Do you miss him?’ Yes! Of course. There are no words to explain how much I miss him when he is gone and it’s kind of silly to even ask.

4) “I don’t agree with the war. We shouldn’t be over there.” We all have our opinions about foreign policy. Unfortunately, my husband doesn’t get to pick and choose which battles he is willing to fight in.

5) “Did you hear about the service member that died over there the other day?” The answer to that is probably no. I make it a point to not watch the news or listen to talk radio. Which is hard for me because I am news junky. But I make it a point to stay away from that. If I watched I would just be sitting on my couch crying the whole deployment.

 Now, I don’t want it to seem like we are overly sensitive and you can’t say anything to us. We are actually some of the toughest people you will ever meet. Here are some of the best comments you can make to a military spouse while their spouse is deployed.

 “You’re doing such a good job taking care of all of this by your self.” It made me feel so good when people would say this. It would always come when I needed it the most.

 “Is there anything I can do to help?” We will usually say “no”, but it is so nice to know that people are willing to help if needed. 

 “Thank you for your families service” I know that the kids and I are not the ones who enlisted in the military but I still feel like we are serving the country in our own way.

“Can I send your husband a care package?” My favorite one! That is what the service members really want when they are over there. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive. But getting mail is a highlight of their day and it makes them feel extremely appreciated.